all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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