i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
