I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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