I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
