PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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