Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
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Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
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We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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