College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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