the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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