Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
