I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
