ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
