I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
