last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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