the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
