its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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