Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
