Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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