his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Are we still banned from the library?
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
