Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
