the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize