Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
