So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
