i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
