it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
