If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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