Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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