People in love make me want to vomit
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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