fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
