I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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