I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
