hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
