No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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