1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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