Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
