I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
