Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
