so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
