he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
