I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
they need to just BURY HIM!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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