I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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