The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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