I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
