I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
