so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people