Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.