Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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