Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
