Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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