Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize