he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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