im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
honey bunches of taint.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Randomize
