you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
