threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
