Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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