This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
