I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize
