I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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