The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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