we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
