I'm eating all of the evidence.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
