I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
