i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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