Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Green mimosas i think yes
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
