i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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