Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
