i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
