I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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