I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
