They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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