3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
