There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
