I wanna passion pit in your ass
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
