he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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