he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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