It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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