He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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