so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
