if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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