This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
