I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
