And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
